Sometimes You Get Mad
by lostinmyownmind
Summary: An alternate version of the episode Brawlers based on Heath's words to Nick in the gunroom.


**Sometimes You Get Mad**

By Mindye McKinster

Disclaimer: Any characters you recognize are not mine. They just dropped by to take a walk through my mind for a while.

(Gunroom- Heath: " _Nick, sometimes you get mad and do things you're sorry for._ ")

 _"Tell your_ friend _to step out of the way,"_ said Nick Barkley, aiming his cocked gun at his brother's back.

Not believing for an instant that Nick would actually _shoot_ him, Heath turned his back, gently pushing one of the Irishmen's shotguns away from where it was aimed at his brother, telling its holder that the gun would only blow up if he tried to fire it. As Heath attempted to calm both sides, one of the Irish youths hiding behind one of the covered wagons threw a rock, hitting Nick's horse. When the animal jumped in response, Nick's finger involuntarily tightened on the trigger. Time seemed to stand still as the gun went off and Heath was thrown forward, striking his head on the wagon wheel leaning against the side of the Callahan wagon. Blood was rapidly spreading across the back of his shoulder and his head.

"Oh! My God! Heath!" Cried Nick, dropping the gun at the realization of what had just happened. Dismounting, he rushed to Heath's side and gathered the younger man into his arms after checking for a pulse, "Oh, Heath! What have I done?!"

"Who threw that rock?!" Demanded Jimmy Callahan of those gathered, "I want to know and I want to know _now_! David O'Toole, I might have known," said Jimmy as a young boy timidly stepped forward, "Do you realize what you've done, son? I'd like nothing more than to throw a rock at this high and mighty English landlord myself, but never when he's got a gun aimed at the only landlord to ever treat us decent, and his own brother, to boot. Now, you hitch up my wagon. We're going to need it to get Mr. Heath Barkley home for a doctor to see to him."

"Will he be _safe_ there?" Asked Sharon in concern, with a glare at Nick.

"Of course, he'll be _safe_!" Yelled Nick, "He's my _brother_!

"You _shot_ him," she pointed out.

"It was an _accident_! I'd _never_ shoot him on _purpose_!"

" _No_? Then why were you pointing your gun at him to begin with? You didn't just have it aimed, you had it _cocked_! Haven't you ever been told that _don't_ point a gun at a man unless you intend to _use_ it?"

"Enough!" Ordered Mrs. Callahan, "This young man is badly hurt and needing a doctor. Now, Jimmy, you and Mr. Barkley get him into the wagon. Sharon and I will look after him while the two of you drive him home. We could send for the doctor to come _here_ , but I'm sure he will be much more comfortable in his own bed. The one in the wagon is pretty hard. Besides, I'm sure Miss Buffalo Bill and her whip will make sure Nick Barkley don't do the boy no more harm."

"Chase," Nick ordered one of the hands who'd rode with him, "Ride for the doctor! Mike, ride ahead and have Audra and Silas get things ready at the house."

"Sure thing, Boss," replied Mike.

"Oh, Grandmother," said Sharon as the wagon moved toward the Barkley ranch, "How can two men be so different and be brothers? Mr. Nick Barkley is so high and mighty and Heath seems to almost understand where we're coming from."

"That's because he does," said Nick, who had been listening from the driver's box, "Heath didn't grow up on the ranch. He grew up with his mother, in a mining town called Strawberry. He knows very well what it's like to be so poor he had no idea when or where his next meal was coming from. He _tried_ talking sense into me but I was too stubborn to listen," he admitted, Heath's words in the gun room coming back to haunt him, _"Nick, sometimes you get mad and you do things you're sorry for,"_ He'd never done anything he was sorrier for than _this_.

"You're listening now, I'd imagine," said Mrs. Callahan, holding pressure on the wound.

"I'm hearing him loud and clear. As soon as I know Heath is going to be alright, I'm going to help you track down the man who swindled you and get your money back. Then, we're going to sit down and talk about other land options. The section you're on now is critical to our cattle operation, but we have other parcels just begging to be worked."

"Now, that sounds like a compromise worth looking into," agreed Jimmy, "But like you said, it can wait until we know that boy's going to be alright. Truth be told, you may have pulled the trigger, but I'm just as much to blame for what happened. I should have realized sooner that we'd been swindled. My stubborn pride just wouldn't let me see it. Heath rode out to try and persuade us to move out peacefully. He was concerned that someone could get killed. It's a terrible shame that the one man who tried to talk sense to _both_ of us is the one who ended up paying the price for _our_ stubbornness."

"I agree with you there."

As the journey continued, Nick thought again about the words he and Heath had exchanged in the gun room. ' _Nick, sometimes you get mad and you do things you're sorry for'._ Everything Heath had said had made perfect sense, if only Nick had taken the time to listen instead of going off half-cocked, as usual. He'd even threatened to bust his knuckles in Heath's face. How he wished he could take those words back, as he knew they'd hurt his brother every bit as much as the bullet had. How would Heath ever be able to forgive him for this?

Coming into the yard of the house, Nick was relieved to see the doctor's buggy parked out front. He was also glad to see his mother and brother Jarrod pulling into the yard at the same time.

"What happened?!" Asked Victoria in alarm.

"I shot Heath," confessed Nick around a lump in his throat.

"You _shot_ Heath?! My God! Why?!"

"It was an accident. It was entirely _my_ fault but it _was_ an accident. I only hope Heath understands that and can find it in his heart to forgive me. All that can wait, though. First, we need to get him up to his room so the doctor can take care of him."

Two hours later, Victoria joined those gathered in the parlor, followed by Mrs. Callahan and Dr. Merar.

"How is he?" Asked Nick anxiously.

"He'll be okay with time and rest," said the doctor, "Fortunately, his shoulder blade stopped the bullet from entering his lung. _Unfortunately_ , it became lodged in the bone. I was able to remove the bullet, but the bone is badly fractured. I've strapped his arm to his chest. It will have to remain that way for several weeks. As the injury is to the bone, his recovery will be very painful. He also has a moderate concussion and has been weakened by considerable blood loss. As I've told Victoria, he will need to stay in bed for the next week or so. It will be about 2 to 3 months before his arm and shoulder are up to work of _any_ kind. I don't want him on horseback during that time, either."

"Is he awake? Can we see him yet?" Asked Nick.

"He's not awake but Jarrod and Audra can go up to see him if they like."

"What about me?"

"You were the one who shot him?"

"Yes, but it was an _accident_."

"I understand that, but he was shot in the back. He may not have seen exactly what happened to _know_ that it was an accident. At the moment, he's still unconscious. I think it would be best if _yours_ wasn't the first face he wakes up to."

"I suppose you're right," replied Nick dejectedly, "I wouldn't want to frighten the boy."

A gentle hand on his brow drew Heath back to consciousness. He opened his eyes with a groan when an attempt to move his right arm met with pain. A soothing hand immediately went to his brow.

"Take it easy," cautioned Victoria, "Don't try to move. Your arm is strapped to your chest because your shoulder blade is broken. You also have a concussion. How do you feel?"

"Sore, my head hurts, and I'm really tired."

"That's to be expected. You lost a lot of blood. Do you remember what happened?"

"Nick... Nick _shot_ me! He pointed his gun at me, but I never thought he'd really do it! He _really_ shot me!"

"Shh. Take it easy. He didn't mean to."

"How could he _not_ mean to?! He _shot_ me!"

"He'd like to explain if you'll let him. Are you up to seeing him?"

"I... I don't know. I... He _shot_ me, Mother! Why? I thought...,"

"I really think you should talk to him. You won't be able to get any rest until your questions are answered."

"Will you stay with me? He'll listen to you if I need him to leave."

"Of course, I'll stay with you, dear. Just let me go get him."

"Is he awake?" Asked Nick when Victoria came into the billiard room where he and Jarrod were going over maps with Jimmy.

"He is, and he has agreed to let you come talk to him but he wants me with him when you do."

"I understand."

"And Nick?"

"Yeah?"

"If he asks you to leave, I expect you to respect his wishes and leave, no questions asked."

"You have my word. The last thing I want to do is make him any more uncomfortable than I already have."

Nick's heart nearly broke at the look of fear, pain and confusion on Heath's face.

"Why, Nick?" the injured man pleaded weakly, bringing moisture to Nick's eyes.

"I'm _so_ sorry, Heath. I _never_ intended to shoot you. A kid hit Coco with a rock. My hand accidentally tightened on the trigger when he jumped."

"You wouldn't have pointed the gun at me and cocked it if you weren't prepared to use it. I ask again, why? Would you have...?" Heath broke off, afraid of the answer to the question foremost in his mind."

" _No_!" replied Nick, knowing instinctively what Heath was about to ask, "I might have made good on my threat to bust the rest of my knuckles in your face, but I would _never_ have pulled the trigger. I was mad at the fact that you were taking Callahan's side. You _know_ me, Heath. You _know_ how I get when I get mad. You said it yourself, Heath. I go off half-cocked and do stupid things that I'm sorry for later, but I've _never_ done _anything_ that I regret more than pulling that gun on _you_. It's something I'd still regret even if I _hadn't_ shot you. I'd shoot _myself_ before I'd _ever_ do this to you _deliberately_."

"Please leave, Nick. I need some time to think."

"I understand," replied Nick, fighting the urge to say more as he took his leave.

"Are you alright?" asked Victoria after he had gone.

"I _will_ be. There are just times that I'm _still_ not sure that he _accepts_ me. He'd have never even _considered_ pulling a gun on Jarrod or Eugene," said Heath in a voice choked with emotion, "Until today, _I_ never would have _considered_ that he'd pull one on _me_. He _says_ he wouldn't have deliberately pulled the trigger, but how can I be _sure_? Deep down, does he still hate me and want me gone?"

"Oh, Heath! Of course, he doesn't!" cried Victoria as she drew him into a comforting embrace, holding and gently rocking him as the dam burst on his emotions and he cried.

Victoria had no idea how long she held her stepson but it was long after he cried himself to sleep. Her own tears fell at the anguish she'd heard in that last question. She thought back to the night he'd made his claim as Tom Barkley's son. What none of her children knew was that she had seen Nick marching him out of the bunkhouse and across the yard. The instant she'd first laid eyes on Heath, she'd _known_ that he was, indeed, Tom's son. He looked too much like a younger version of his father not to. She'd chosen not to intervene that night, as she had been uncertain of his motives for coming to the ranch. Later that night, after she'd seen him leaving the scene of the fire, Audra had confessed to her about going to town to tempt the young man and how he had protected her. Arriving back at the ranch, when she had found him retrieving the money he'd earlier turned down along with some apples, she'd seen fear and longing mixed with pride in his eyes. She'd sensed _then_ , that he hadn't come to make trouble or demands. He had simply come to see what he'd been denied. If Nick hadn't forced his hand, most likely, Heath would have never revealed who he really was. He would have either stayed and worked alongside his brother as Heath Thomson or just rode away with no one being the wiser. When Nick _had_ called his hand, he'd stood his ground, making it known that he was going to use the name that should have been his and the heritage that went with it. He'd said that he wanted a part of it all, but he had also made it clear that he wasn't going to beg for it. He'd returned to the house to take the money he'd been offered, cut his losses, and leave. Victoria had found herself unable to let him leave without letting him know that _she_ believed him and how to earn the respect of his brothers. She recalled the night after the fight at Semples' farm and the argument as to whether or not to welcome Heath into the family. She remembered how vocal Nick had been with his objections and how for the first few weeks, how often Nick had used his fists in an attempt to put the younger man in his place. She recalled Jarrod telling her how Nick had undermined Heath's authority with the hands by rehiring a man that Heath had fired. She thought of how just before the roundup, Heath had confided in her his suspicions about General Wallant and how he didn't feel that he could take those suspicions to Nick. She remembered how Nick, still not convinced that Heath wasn't a gold digger, hadn't been too happy about leaving the herd, which included the beeves of five neighboring ranches, to the younger man's care after he, himself, had been shot. She remembered Nick's grudging respect for Heath when he learned of how the younger man had risked his life by taking a stand in a house filled with munitions, in order to win the hands back from Wallant and finish the drive. Victoria remembered with shame, how she hadn't wanted Heath to be the one to wear his father's boots to the unveiling of Tom Barkley's statue. She had wanted one of her _own_ children to have that honor. Then, she'd gone to Strawberry and seen for herself the poverty he'd grown up in while Jarrod, Nick, Audra, and Eugene had never wanted for anything. Remembering how things had been at the beginning of her relationship with Tom had made Victoria realize that Heath was the only one of Tom's children who truly _had_ walked in his father's boots. It was only right that his was the only foot they would fit. That trip to Strawberry had revealed that Tom had not known about Heath. It had also reaffirmed her relationship with her husband and helped her to accept Heath as a son of her heart, if not her loins. Victoria recalled how Heath and Nick had butted heads over Jubal Tanner and then over Maria Montero. She remembered how vehemently Teresa's father had been to her seeing Heath. She remembered how heartbroken her new son had been when Teresa had ultimately left the valley to appease her father. Victoria thought of the first time Heath had gone to one of the mines as the family's representative and how an attempt had been made on his life because of the unintentionally broken promises Tom Barkley had made. Victoria wished that Heath could have been in the gunroom, after he'd been shot by Evan Miles, to witness Nick's emotionally charged fury. He _had_ witnessed that protective fury after he'd been severely beaten by Jake Kyles and his sons prior to the trial of Korby Kyles. Nick had even been furious with Jarrod over that one. She recalled how Heath had been the only one Nick had confided in after he'd been bitten by a rabid wolf. He'd sworn Heath to secrecy and Heath had kept his word in spite of the tension and animosity it caused with the rest of the family. Tears filled her eyes again as she remembered the betrayal in Heath's eyes when the family he so dearly loved had sent him to the timber camp with Matt Bentell. Bentell had been the Commandant of Carterson prison, where Heath had spent the last seven months of the war. The conditions Heath had described were horrific and to this day, he sometimes had nightmares about his time spent there. In an attempt to help Heath to rid himself of the hate, the family had insisted that he accompany Bentell to the timber camp and get to know him. Victoria, herself, had challenged him to show them his father's guts. How that must have been a slap in the face to the man who had done nothing _but_ show them since the day he'd arrived. Fortunately, the plan had worked though it had very nearly come at the cost of Heath's life. Now, Nick, whose approval meant the most to Heath and he'd fought so hard to win, had _shot_ him. As strongly as Victoria believed in her heart that Nick would never _deliberately_ do such a thing, she could understand Heath's hurt and confusion. He was right. Nick would have never pulled a gun on Jarrod or Eugene in the first place. She could only _hope_ that they could work things out but she feared that it might take a long time before Heath could fully _trust_ Nick again. In the meantime, she would have to be there for both of them and help in any way she could.

Carefully easing Heath back against his pillows, she went in search of Nick. She found him in the study, staring into the fireplace, with a glass of whisky in his hands. It was clear that he, too, had been crying.

"I thought I'd find you here," she said, running a hand through his hair.

"How is he?" asked Nick.

"Physically, he'll be fine."

"And emotionally?"

"Emotionally, he's _very_ upset," she answered honestly, "He cried himself to sleep in my arms, after expressing his concern that the reason you pulled the gun on him in the first place is because deep down, you still hate him and want him gone."

" _What_?! That's _ridiculous_! How could he think...?"

"Would you have pulled a gun on Jarrod or Eugene?" she challenged.

"Of course not! I... Oh! My God! He _knows_ that I wouldn't have! No _wonder_ he thinks I hate him! I've _got_ to go talk to him," cried Nick, getting to his feet only to have Victoria gently push him back down.

"Not right now, you don't. He _just_ fell asleep and he needs all of the rest he can get. I _won't_ have you waking him. Is that understood?"

"Yes, but..."

"I mean it, Nick. I understand that your conscience is bothering you, but you hurt your brother _very_ badly both physically and emotionally. That's something you're just going to have to _deal_ with until he's awake and _ready_ to see you. Maybe spending the night with your guilt will help you learn to have better control of yourself when you're angry, so something like this doesn't happen again."

"You're not too happy with me, either," observed Nick.

"No, I'm not. Out of all of us, Heath has fought the hardest to impress _you_. He has done absolutely _everything_ in his power to earn your respect. He has endured your anger, your contempt, and at times, even your cruelty. After your reactions to Evan Miles shooting him and the beating he took from the Kyles, I was convinced he'd succeeded. _How_ could you have pulled a gun on him, Nick?"

"I've asked myself that same question a million times over. I've yet to come up with the answer. All I _do_ know is that I would have _never_ pulled the trigger _intentionally_. Even when I _did_ want him _gone_ , I _never_ wanted him _dead_. What am I going to do, Mother? How am I going to convince him that I didn't _mean_ it?"

"When he's _ready_ to talk to you, you're going to have to be honest with him and tell him _everything_ that's in your heart. You're also going to have to be patient with him. It might take a while before he trusts you again. I _know_ patience isn't something you're overly familiar with, but your anger is what led to this in the first place. He might very well be fearful of you and losing your temper with him would only make it worse."

"I hear what you're saying Mother. God! Why did I have to be so _stupid_?!"

"I don't know, but why don't you go on up to bed? Try to get some rest and think about what it is you need to say to your brother."

"I think I will. Will you be sitting with him tonight?"

"Yes."

"Don't hesitate to wake me if he needs me for _anything_."

"I will. Goodnight, Nick."

"Goodnight, Mother."

Nick was tossing and turning two hours later when Heath's anguished cries filled the night.

"Nick! Nick! Please don't shoot! Please, Nick! Don't shoot! Why, Nick, why?! I thought you cared! Why Nick? I'll leave if you still want me gone! Please don't shoot, Nick! I'll leave!"

Unable to stop himself, Nick rushed to Heath's room where Victoria was desperately trying in vain to calm the injured man down. As she looked on in concern, Nick gently gathered Heath into his arms and hugged him close.

"Shh, calm down. I'm sorry, Heath," he said, tears flowing freely down his face, "I'm so, so, sorry. I _swear_ to you I didn't mean it and I _don't_ want you gone. I can't lose you, Heath. I _need_ you by my side."

A fresh wave of guilt filled Nick as he felt Heath stiffen at the sound of his voice.

"Shh. It's alright, Heath. I'm not going to hurt you again, Little Brother. You have my word. I'll _never_ hurt you again," He soothed, unable to help but be relieved as the younger man gradually relaxed.

"Can you look at me, Heath? I really need to talk to you if you can."

In response, Heath nodded and leaned back against the pillows.

"Heath," began Nick, "I can't tell you _what_ possessed me to pull that gun on you. What I _can_ tell you, with absolute certainty, is that I had _no_ intention of _ever_ pulling that trigger. I realize that I haven't exactly shown it, but _somewhere_ along the line I've come to _love_ you every _bit_ as much as I love Jarrod, Gene, and Audra. I realize now, what a mistake I made in not letting you _know_ that. If I _had_ , then maybe you wouldn't have any doubts about this being an accident."

Heath's eyes searched Nick's, finding honesty and genuine remorse staring back at him. He wanted so much to believe the man he had come to love and respect but life had taught him too many brutal lessons to not be cautious.

"I love you, too, Nick," he sighed, "and I believe you didn't _mean_ to shoot me, but the fact remains that you _did_. You'll have to be patient with me because what I _don't_ know is how long it will take before I'll be able to _trust_ you again, _especially_ when you're angry. I don't _want_ to be afraid of you, Nick, but if I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that right now, the thought of being near you the next time you get angry scares the hell out of me. In the gun room yesterday, you were angry and threatened to bust your knuckles in my face. Then, you were angry and pulled a gun on me and I got shot. I'm _not_ your enemy, Nick."

"I _know_ you're not, Heath. I also understand that I've destroyed your trust in me and that I'm going to have to earn it back. I'm _going_ to do that, Heath. I'm _going_ to earn back your trust if it's the last thing I ever do. I really _do_ love you, Heath. Father and I worked this ranch side-by-side for a very long time. I know he's not your favorite topic of discussion, but when he died, I lost more than my _father_ , I lost my _partner_. I know I fought you to the point of being cruel when you arrived, but when I opened my eyes to the truth, I found that you and I make one hell of a team and I once again had a partner. You're a part of my _soul_ now, Heath, and I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you. That I almost killed you myself..." Nick couldn't go on as he was choked by sobs.

"But you _didn't_. I'm going to be just fine. You're a part of my soul too, big brother. That's why all of this has hurt so much. It wasn't _just_ that you threatened me or even that you shot me. It's that you weren't even willing to stop and _listen_ to me. Those aren't bad people, Nick. They're just poor, honest people who were taken advantage of. I _know_ they can't stay on that land, but can't we at _least_ have the compassion to let them stay just long enough for us to help them figure out what to do? Do they _have_ to leave right now?"

"No. They can stay right where they are while Callahan and I go find the man who swindled them. While _we_ do that, if you're up to it, you and Jarrod can pick up where he and I left off going over the maps to find a suitable alternative to the land they're on now."

"What about that piece of property to the North that we just pay taxes on?"

"I hadn't thought of _that_ one. It needs irrigation, but there's good water close enough that it won't be too hard to do. It's plenty big enough for all of them and the barn and corral are still standing. What do you think, Mother?"

"I think it's a perfect solution. In fact, why don't I send Mr. Callahan to come here this afternoon, so you boys can make the offer together. They can have the land whether the swindler is caught or not. Are you up to that, Heath?"

"Sure am. In fact, I will rest a lot easier knowing it's settled."

"Alright," agreed Victoria, "I'll send for him but until then I expect you to get some rest. Nick, I want you to go back to bed, too. I'll be sitting with Heath for the rest of the night."

"Go back to bed, Mother," insisted Heath, "I'll be fine."

"No arguments young man. You've already had _one_ nightmare tonight. I'm going to sit right here beside you in case you have another one or if you need anything."

"I wouldn't argue with her, little brother. It never does any good. Before I turn in I think I'll go down to the study and pull out the map and deed to that property."

Downstairs, Nick found Jarrod was seated at the desk, staring thoughtfully into space. Without a word, Nick went over and pulled open one of the drawers. From the back of it, he pulled out a map and showed it to Jarrod.

"I'd forgotten about that one," said Jarrod with an approving nod.

"Heath remembered it. It should fit the bill nicely, don't you think?"

"It should, indeed. How is he?"

"He's going to be okay. He had a nightmare about me shooting him. He thought..."

"He thought what, Nick?"

"He thought that deep inside I still hated him and wanted him gone. When I went to calm him down, I felt him stiffen at the sound of my voice. He was _scared_ of me, Jarrod!"

"And things between the two of you now?"

"I think we've worked it out, although he's made it clear that it's going to take some time before he trusts me again. I understand completely and I'm going to do whatever it takes to regain his trust."

"It won't take long," said Jarrod in reassurance, "He knows in his heart that it truly _was_ an accident and that you would never have shot him on purpose. The best thing you can do is learn from this. Whenever you get mad and start to go off half-cocked, think about the consequences and ask yourself if they'll be worth it."

"Don't worry, Pappy. This is a lesson I won't _ever_ forget."

"Good."

"In the morning, we'll need to send someone for the Callahan's to come over tomorrow afternoon to discuss this property. In the meantime, I think I'll go back to bed."

"I'm right behind you, Brother Nick."

"Callahan, Mrs. Callahan, Sharon," said Nick as he greeted their guests the next afternoon, "If you will all join us, the family has something we'd like to discuss with you and Heath would like to be a part of the conversation."

"We can see him, then?" Asked Jimmy hopefully.

"Right this way," grinned Nick, leading them up the stairs.

"Are you alright, Lad?" Mrs. Callahan asked the injured man as soon as she saw him.

"I'll be fine. It's just going to take some time. Are you alright?"

"I'm right as rain now that I see you're going to be okay. I don't mind saying that you had us all scared, though. David O'Toole is beside himself with regret for having thrown the rock that upset your brother's horse. When you're feeling a bit better, he'd like to come apologize to you."

"Bring him to see me tomorrow."

"You're sure you'll be up to it? It might do the boy some good to have more time to think about the consequences of his actions."

"I'll be up to it. Nick was the one who pulled the trigger and I've forgiven him. There's no sense in not forgiving the boy, too."

"You're a good man, Heath Barkley."

"And so is Nick, in spite of what you've seen of him so far. I meant what I said when I rode into your camp. He's a good man. He was just angry."

"You told them _that_?" Asked Nick, choked up again.

"I did. It was the truth. You _are_ a good man, Nick. Now, let's get down to business, shall we?"

"Want to do the honors?"

"You go ahead."

"Callahan, Mrs. Callahan, Sharon, when we talked earlier, I told you that I realized that you weren't squatters and that you were just hard-working folks that had been swindled. I also mentioned finding a different piece of property after we go after the swindler who took your money. What I have here is a map of a piece of property about 70 miles from here. A man who owed our father some money willed it to him when he died. It's good land. It just needs irrigation. There's a water supply on the property that will make that very easy to do. The house was struck by lightning and burned down 3 years ago, but it still has a sturdy barn, a good corral, and a well that's already been dug. It's too far away to be of any real value to us and all we do is pay taxes on it. Whether we find your swindler or not, we'd like for you to have it."

"Whoa, now," said Callahan, "We don't want to be accepting no charity."

"We aren't offering it out of charity."

"Sounds like charity to me."

"It's not. This land was bought and paid for by my brother's blood," said Nick with a pointed look at Heath, "He's got several weeks of painful recovery ahead of him and I'll be damned if something good isn't going to come of it."

"Please accept the land," requested Heath, "It really would make me feel better knowing that Kilkenny Farms has gone from dreams to reality."

"For _you_ , we'll accept. When you're well enough, I would like for you to do me the great honor of being the first Englishman I've ever _invited_ to share a drink with me. I just happen to have a bottle of the finest whisky Ireland ever produced. I've been saving it for a special occasion and I think making the acquaintance of an Englishman of your caliber certainly qualifies as a special occasion."

"I'd be honored."

"Good, and I'll not rule out the possibility of asking your brothers to join us. I can see you're tired," added Jimmy noting that Heath's eyelids were beginning to droop, "We'll be going now, so that you can get some rest. I just want to thank you for all you've done to help us. You truly are an Englishman worthy of respect."

"Thank you. I hope all of you will come back and visit me again before you head to your new home."

"You can count on that," said Victoria, "Because as soon as Mr. Callahan and Nick get back from San Francisco, all 6 families from Kilkenny Farms will be joining us _here_ , for dinner."

"I don't know, Ma'am," said Jimmy, "We wouldn't want you to go to all the trouble of feeding all of us. Why don't all of you join _us_ at _our_ camp?"

"For one, it would be no trouble at all, and for another, we wouldn't want to leave Heath out and it will be a few weeks before he is well enough to leave the house."

"Alright, then, but we must insist on contributing to the meal. If you will provide some English dishes, we will provide some Irish dishes. Just wait until you taste my mother's corned beef."

"It's settled then. Now, if everyone would be so kind as to clear the room, Heath is about to take his medicine and go back to sleep."

"I'll give him his medicine and sit with him, Mother," offered Nick, once everyone else had gone.

"Is that alright with you, Heath?" Victoria asked the injured man.

"That's fine. I could use his help getting to the bathroom, anyway."

"Very well, then. As long as you are comfortable being alone with him."

"I am. I believe him when he said he didn't mean to shoot me and if I'm going to learn to trust him again, it's got to start _somewhere_."

"Are you sure you don't still trust him already?"

"I don't know," replied Heath honestly, "I know I really _want_ to, but for now, it still hurts too much in my shoulder and in my heart."

"Fair enough. Just let me know if you need me," said Victoria, kissing both her sons before leaving the room.

It was dark the next time Heath woke. Looking around the room, he wasn't surprised to see Nick standing over by the window. What did surprise him was the sight of tears glistening on his brother's face in the moonlight.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked, startling the older man.

"Heath! How long have you been awake?"

"I just woke up. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," replied Nick, wiping his eyes and moving to the chair at Heath's bedside, "I've just been taking a good, hard look at myself and realizing that I don't _like_ what I see. What kind of man pulls a cocked gun on his own brother, angry or not? I've _got_ to learn to control my anger. I've _got_ to learn to _think_ before going off half-cocked. I also realized that since you've been here, while I've come to accept you as my brother and my partner, that partnership hasn't exactly been equal. I've continued to call all of the shots and just expect you to follow my orders. I haven't been asking for your opinion and I've been jumping down your throat whenever you offer one that isn't what I want to hear. That's not fair to you. If I'd listened to you to begin with, none of this would have happened. That's going to _change_ , Heath. From now on, we're equals in this partnership. I'm..."

"Not yet."

"What?"

"Not yet. Nick, there's a reason why I haven't complained about you always being in charge. I've worked many a job before coming here, and I've even been put in charge of a job from time to time, but I've never been in charge of, much less part owner of anything the size and scale of the Barkley ranch and holdings. I've been learning from you, but I'm not ready for you to step away from the lead just yet. I've still got too much left to learn."

"I understand that. I'm not saying that I'm going to _quit_ teaching you. What I'm saying is that it might be better if I were at your _side_ instead of in _front_ of you with my big head blocking the way. You may have never _bossed_ an operation of this size, but life has given you a great deal of _experiences_ that _I've_ never had. I should be _listening_ to you and _benefiting_ from that experience instead of butting heads with you and insisting that things always be done _my_ way. So, from now on, while there may be times that one or the other of us has to make a decision on the spot, we'll be making _most_ of the decisions regarding the running of the ranch _together_. Still learning or not, _your_ opinion is _every bit_ as important as _mine_. I can't take back what I did, Heath, but I _promise_ you that I've learned from it and that things will be _very_ different from now on."

"I believe you. I also believe that what happened really _was_ an accident. What say we both let it go and start fresh."

"That sounds good. I'm willing to let it go, but I won't forget it. I can't. I _need_ it to remind me why I can't let my anger rule my actions."

"I understand. Now, go on to bed. I'm fine and you've got a train to catch in the morning."

"Do you need anything before I go?"

"Maybe some water and another dose of medicine."

"I'm sorry, Heath. I know the pain must be pretty bad for you to be asking for the medicine."

"It's bad enough, but the main reason I'm asking for it is so _you_ will be able to get some sleep instead of worrying about _me_. I usually don't like taking it because it knocks me out, but since I'm stuck in bed anyway, I may as well sleep."

"Sleep is the best thing for you the next few days."

"So, I've been told. Now, just give me the medicine and go on to bed."

"I'll give you your medicine and go to bed, but Mother gave me strict orders to wake her to sit with you whenever I turn in."

"I don't need anyone to sit with me. I'm fine and I'll just be sleeping, anyway."

"Do _you_ want to go against mother's wishes?"

"I reckon not. I'm already down _one_ arm."

Heath was just making his way down the stairs when Nick returned from San Francisco 3 days later.

"Are you _supposed_ to be out of bed, boy?" Demanded the older brother.

"Don't worry, big brother. Dr. Merar was out to see me just this morning and gave me permission to get up for a couple of hours at a time. I just woke up from a nap, so I'm allowed to be up until after lunch. Did you find the swindler?"

"We found him, but he'd already spent every cent of the money. At least we had the pleasure of busting him in the mouth before we handed him over to the Sheriff. How are you feeling?"

"Better, but I didn't argue with the doctor about only being up for a couple hours at a time, either. I found out right quick how quick I get tired."

"Then, let's have a seat before you wear yourself out."

"Probably a good idea. It don't take much."

"I'm sorry, Heath."

"How many times are you going to apologize, Nick? I know it was an accident and I already forgave you."

"I know you did but still, seeing you like this, knowing that _I'm_ responsible..."

"You agreed to let it go, Nick. It happened, it's over, and I'm fine."

"You're _not_ fine. You're laid up."

"I've been laid up before and I'm sure I'll be laid up again. Let it go, Nick. Don't worry. I know this is a working ranch and I'll be back to work in a couple of weeks."

"To _hell_ with the work! That's what we _hire_ people for! It's _you_ I'm worried about. The doctor told you it's going to be 2-3 months before you'll be using that shoulder again, and you're going to _listen_ to him! Do you hear me?"

"I hear you, Nick."

"Good, because you are _not_ going to risk permanent damage by using it too soon. I _know_ you don't _like_ the confinement. I could tell that after Evan Miles shot you. It's for your own good, though. You _have_ to let that shoulder heal properly. I've known Dr. Merar my entire life. He knows a thing or two about Barkley stubbornness when it comes to being sick or injured. Trust me when I say that he won't make it for any longer than he feels is necessary."

"I _do_ trust you, Nick... completely."

"But I..."

"I've given it a lot of thought these past couple of days, and I realize that even though you pointed your gun at me, you never would have shot me on purpose. If I believed any different, I never would have turned my back to you. I can't promise that I won't be jumpy around you when you're mad, but I _know_ it was an accident, I believe you when you say you need to learn to control your anger, and I believe you when you say it won't happen again. _Because_ I believe it, I _know_ I can trust you. I haven't even had anymore nightmares since I came to that conclusion."

With an enormous grin, Nick extended his hand, pulling Heath into a tight but careful embrace.

"You bet you can trust me, little brother! You can also trust that I'm going to do all I can to help make your recovery as easy as possible. One of the first things I'm going to do is make sure there's a good, comfortable chair on the porch, facing the corral. That way, you can rest but still see what's going on."

"Only, I'm not _allowed_ outside."

"That's not _entirely_ true. You were told not to leave the _house_. Lucky for you, _because_ Dr. Merar is so familiar with Barkley stubbornness, it was established long ago, that being confined to the _house_ means don't go past the _porch_. Relaxing in a chair out _there_ , is just as acceptable as relaxing in a chair in _here_."

"Then, what are we doing in _here_?"

"Letting you rest after making the trip down the stairs. Now, if you'll stay put while I get the chairs in place and get us something cold to drink, we'll go sit on the porch until lunch time."

"I'll wait right here."

Three months later, Nick was in the gunroom, cleaning his pistol, when Heath came in to tell him that one of their most used line shacks had burned to the ground after one of the hands had failed to fully extinguish a fire in the fireplace.

"Damn it!" cried Nick, angrily rising to his feet, shaking the hand containing the pistol in the air as he paced, "How stupid do you have to be to not put a fire out completely!? The idiot! Why I have a good mind to... Aw, Heath," he said pensively, seeing his brother back away with fear in his eyes. Realizing what he was doing, Nick dropped the gun and cautiously approached the trembling man who now had his eyes closed in an attempt to get his emotions under control, "I'm sorry, Heath," he soothed, "I didn't even realize I had it in my hand. I dropped it to the floor. I don't have it anymore. I'm sorry."

"That's no way to treat... a gun," said Heath shakily, as he slowly managed to calm himself, "I'm sorry, Nick. I shouldn't have reacted that way. You weren't pointing it at _me_."

"I shouldn't have even had it in my _hand_! _I'm_ the one who's an idiot. I shouldn't even be yelling at you. You aren't the one I'm mad at."

"It's okay, Nick. I don't mind if you yell at me sometimes to vent your frustration. I don't even expect you to never get angry at me again. I'm sure we'll but heads and get mad at each other lots of times in the future. I _do_ trust you, Nick, and I _know_ I wasn't in any danger just now. It just brought the memory back and I couldn't control my reaction. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I should have known better. I'm thinking that maybe it would be a good idea if I stopped carrying a gun for a while."

"No. You know as well as I do what kind of dangers are out there. You can't stop carrying your gun. I have a better idea."

"What's that?"

"Let's take a couple of days and go do some target shooting and maybe even some hunting. I need to get comfortable around you with a gun again. Maybe, if I can do that, I won't react like that if you're holding one while you're angry."

"I shouldn't even be using a gun when I'm angry. I should be taking a minute to get my anger under control before I even touch it, but I _do_ like the idea of us taking a hunting trip. A nice venison roast sounds pretty good. I really _am_ sorry, Heath."

"I'm sorry, too, but we'll work through this. I won't always cower when you're angry, gun or no gun."

"Don't you, for one instant, feel sorry because you _did_. You certainly have good reason."

The hunting trip ended up being a complete success. In addition to two nice bucks, the brothers spent a lot of time shooting targets until Heath once again thought nothing of it when Nick reached for his gun. In turn, Nick had learned a valuable lesson and never again touched his gun in anger without giving himself a minute to calm down first. Finally, everything was back the way it should be.


End file.
